Dear all, I’ve been very quite for a while as I sort through what Sam Cawthorn describes as a kairos (a moment a moment within a moment of drastic change, a moment that completely transforms your life). The following is a reflection of turning 40 and the (nearly) year that has followed. It’s pretty raw but my hope is that sharing this thinking will enable you too to embrace all that life serves up, it’s not always fun or peaceful but in every moment there is true beauty and if you look you’ll find it…
I put a lot of effort into turning 40. Months leading into the big event I thought carefully about how I would like life to be.
Mid June of this year I will celebrate a year since declaring my well thought intention for the future;
“Life herein will be easy”
Little did I know as I blew out the candles and declared my intention to 60 or so folks the universe was casting a wry grin as it gently pulled back the band of a universal sling shot that was set to ping me off into the abyss.
It took a few months to feel the full pelt of the shot – but feel it I would.
You see, as I so thoroughly believed that life should be ‘easy’ – and not ANY version of ‘easy’, it was going to be without pain, challenge, grief just happy plain sailing.
In hindsight I’m really rather dumbfounded about what I was thinking – something to do with the heady mix of my (then) interpretation of my coaching studies and a heartfelt desire to cure all of the pain in the world. It was meant to be a good intention but it’s translation got a bit mushy (to say the least).
In this definition of ‘easy’ anything that was not became subconsciously too difficult. I was on a mission and in a hurry.
“You’ll see ” said the universe as it let the sling shot rip
I’ve always disliked it when people say that life wasn’t meant to be easy
Surely – we could just sprinkle a little sugar on the bad stuff
and it would turn into fairy floss
But the problem was that I’d overdosed on fairy floss
And used its sugar rush to race me through life
Stopping only very rarely to notice, to feel, to connect
And even then resenting the need to stop
Life is about success, wealth and creating change – right?
I’ll never forget the kairos
The second I thought I’d lost something, well, someone so dear to me
That moment redefined my entire existence
And with that the feelings came
Oh, the feelings
I realised that while life may not always be easy
That’s exactly how it’s meant to be
There needs to be grief for ecstasy
And while real trust is exposing and terrifying
It’s the pathway to intimacy
And therein lies our true self
Not always as we pictured
but as we truly are
And through this lens I saw me at my most vulnerable
Frightened yet full of possibility
Awake, aware and embracing
I think I might come to like it here
And I realised even though ‘easy’ is far from what life should be
We can choose to live without drama and peacefully work through what is presented
Embracing each and every challenge as a gift
And the way that others are in the world as an opportunity to learn
Perhaps this piece is a little puzzling but rest assured
I’ve found great solace in deciding that life will deliver what we need
As we need it
It may not be convenient, but it will present you with an offer to experience you
So hang on
And embrace the ride.
Bring on 41 and a new intention to choose real, intimacy, steady and connection!